Resisting Rest – why we don’t rest even when we know it’s what we need

Resisting Rest – why we don’t rest even when we know it’s what we need

I’m feet up, watching Netflix, and when I hear the sound of my husband’s car on the driveway, I jump up and switch the TV off.

I was exhausted, feeling like an extra on The Walking Dead. I hadn’t slept through the night for months, waking up at 3 a.m. and finding myself downstairs reading until I finally nodded off at 6 a.m., just before I heard my husband get up and the morning ritual of kids’ breakfasts and school runs started. So resting on the sofa before starting dinner is a perfectly acceptable activity.

But why did I react this way?

I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but hearing a family member come home while resting triggered me to jump up and pretend I wasn’t. It wasn’t a conscious decision; even though I was struggling with sleep, nerves on edge and brain fogged, I was hard-wired not to be caught resting.

During my burnout recovery in my 40s, I struggled with the advice, ‘You have to rest.’

I defined rest as sitting on the sofa, eating wotsits … the epitome of unproductive. And being unproductive was sinful.

I can now look back and see how strongly these word-hard stories of mine kept me from recovering from my burnout … I was hardwired to be productive at all times, so being caught with my feet up on the sofa was a bad thing.

Resisting rest is not normal

Today, I speak to hundreds of women (and men, too!) who tell me similar stories of resisting rest. It’s all too common now, to the point that we joke about it with our friends, which helps us normalise this behaviour, knowing that this Pavlov Dog’s reaction inflicts others.

But resisting rest is not normal.

It should never be normal to jump up when someone is having an afternoon nap, a quiet moment decompressing from back-to-back meetings, or resting on the sofa before the next job needs doing.

If our bodies need rest, we need to rest. If we don’t, we will get ill. Fact, yes?!

Rest is not a reward for hard work

Rest also needs to happen before we need it.

Another hard work story I see play out with many, myself included, back in my 40s, is that we can rest when we have performed. We can rest once the jobs are done, and our productivity levels mean that we are ahead of the tasks and now have time to rest.

I always return to Mother Nature and look at how seasons work. Our modern calendar puts Spring at the start of the seasons, with Winter at the end of the year. And yet, Mother Nature begins her incredible work in Winter, preparing the earth and drawing on its resources so she is ready to burst forward in Spring. Winter may feel like a dead month on the coldest, darkest days in December, but it’s far from dead because without these precious months of rest, recharge, and reallocation of resources, Spring could never happen.

I’m sure you know how you feel after a good night’s sleep and how much more productive and in flow your day is, so why not rest before the busy periods in your day?

Unravel your hard work stories

Resting during periods of illness ought to be essential, and you probably know this on a logical level. Yet our hard work stories prevent us from resting, even when we know we need to.

Some journalling questions to help you ponder on yours …

  • How do you define productive?
  • When do you feel most productive?
  • Who taught you about resting (or not resting), and what did they say?

Many of our stories are given to us by our parents and peers growing up, so I invite you to go back to your teens and 20s, as well as your more recent decades, and reflect on how those around you perceive rest. You may find that your hard work story isn’t yours … find a thread and pull it. Unravel those stories that hardwire your ability to rest.

The Myth of Busyness: Why success doesn’t have to mean constant doing

The Myth of Busyness: Why success doesn’t have to mean constant doing

Being “busy” has been a badge of honour for many years. We’re surrounded by messages that equate busyness with productivity and worth, especially as women.

We often try to balance life, business, and family responsibilities: from work deadlines to family obligations, our days are filled to the brim, leaving little space to breathe, let alone feel genuinely fulfilled.

We now seek approval from others as we respond to questions such as ‘How are you?’ by telling each other, ‘I’m great—so busy.’

Busy has also become the barometer of our health – not by sharing how we feel or how our health is … but by our degree of busyness.

The illusion of “Doing More”

There’s a common belief that success lies in doing more, handling every task, and pushing through each day without missing a beat. But when we’re constantly trying to keep up, we lose connection with what truly matters: our wellbeing, our relationships, and our own sense of purpose.

Many of us experience the toll of this “always on” lifestyle in our bodies and minds. We become stressed, tired, and even physically unwell, accepting these as the costs of achieving our goals.

But should success require us to sacrifice our health and happiness?

For me, the answer eventually became a resounding no.

Why busyness fails us

There’s a reason so many women feel burnt out. When we prioritise busyness over intentional living, say yes too many times, and overcommit ourselves, we’re forced to ignore our bodies’ natural rhythms, pressing on even when exhausted.

We ignore niggles in our body, such as back twinges, bloating or skin conditions, and squish down emotions because we feel we don’t have to ‘deal with them’. And for anyone who has done this over a period of time, you know these niggles and squished down emotions have a habit of blowing up volcanically at a time when you least expect them to.

And as women, who often manage the bigger percentage blend of business, family, and home responsibilities, the toll can be even greater.

But the constant juggling isn’t just exhausting; it’s counterproductive.

Over time, our energy wanes, our focus blurs, and we become less effective in every area of our lives.

Embodiment as a path to aligned living

If busyness leads to burnout, what’s the alternative?

For me, the answer came through an unexpected yet life-changing practice: embodiment.

Embodiment is about reconnecting with our body’s natural wisdom, honouring our energy, and shifting from a mode of constant doing to one of intentional being.

Rather than viewing busyness as a measure of success, embodiment invites us to listen to our bodies, noticing when we need rest and feel energised. This approach brings a sense of alignment and allows us to be fully present in life and work.

When I began practising embodiment, I felt deeply uncomfortable, yet something inside me was crying out for it. I’ve always loved to dance, but it would always be in the kitchen with no one watching or after several glasses of wine if I were out with friends.

My first few sessions made me realise how unconnected I was in my body; my hips were stiff, I found finding a rhythm awkward, and I spent too much time worrying about what I looked like and whether I was ‘doing it right’.

But over time, I experienced an incredible shift.

I learnt to get out of my head and be more in tune with my body. My days became more energised, my priorities clearer, and my sense of fulfilment deeper. This wasn’t about doing less but creating a rhythm that allowed me to flow through life’s ups and downs and live in alignment with what mattered most.

How embodiment transforms our relationship with busyness

Embodiment isn’t about avoiding responsibility or stepping away from meaningful work; it’s about being more intentional with our energy.

Here are some of the shifts I’ve experienced—and now see in the women I work with—when we embrace embodiment to manage life and work with greater ease:

1. Listening to Your Energy Cycles

Each of us has natural ebb and flows in our energy, particularly women, because of our monthly hormone cycle and menstruation. Embodiment helps us recognise these cycles, allowing us to align our tasks with moments of high energy and honour our need for rest when it arises. This approach not only enhances productivity but also brings a sense of balance to our days.

2. Presence Over Multitasking

Busyness often leads to multitasking, splitting our focus and leaving us feeling scattered. I am not the only one who grew up believing that being a multi-tasker was a good skill to have. But as we get into our 40s and 50s, our brains simply can’t keep up with multiple tabs open, the same way that our phones and browsers slow down when too many apps or tabs are open.

Embodiment teaches us the value of presence. It allows us to bring our full attention to each moment, whether it’s a business task, time with loved ones, or simply a moment to breathe. This sense of presence makes our days feel fuller, not busier.

3. Honouring Rest as Essential

Rest is often seen as “wasted time” and something we do after we’ve put in the effort, but it’s essential to our wellbeing. You only need to look to professional athletes and see the importance they place on active rest as part of their training programmes to realise it’s critical to high performance.

Embodiment invites us to redefine rest and see it as a vital part of success, allowing us to recharge and return to our lives with greater clarity and resilience.

4. Embracing Intuition as our Guide

Busyness often pulls us into a reactive state, causing us to respond to demands rather than make choices aligned with our values. It keeps us in crisis management mode, which is great for crises … but not so great for everyday life.

Through embodiment, we learn to tune into our intuition and let it guide us. This helps us prioritise what truly matters and feel confident in saying no to what doesn’t serve us.

A New Way to Approach Success

Since embracing embodiment, I’ve found that success feels less like a never-ending to-do list and more like a fulfilling, intentional journey.

I no longer feel pressured to measure my worth by how busy I am. Yes, it’s been a hard habit for me to break because of the deep ‘hard work’ beliefs my body held, but it gets easier and takes me less time to course correct when I find myself getting deep into the busy trenches.

I spend more of my time now focused on creating a working week and month where I can allow my energy to flow naturally, where I’m present in both my work and personal life, and where I feel a deep sense of alignment.

This shift isn’t just for avoiding burnout; it’s a pathway to creating a life that feels whole, balanced, and aligned with who we are and gives us the resilience to dance with whatever life throws at us.

And it’s something every woman deserves to experience.

Your invitation to explore embodiment

If you’re tired of feeling overwhelmed by busyness and ready to try a new approach, I invite you to join me in exploring embodiment. I’m offering a series of beginner classes designed to help you reconnect with your body, manage your energy, and approach life with a balanced and intentional rhythm.

If you’re ready to let go of the endless cycle of busyness and step into a more aligned way of living, click here to learn more and reserve your place.

Success doesn’t have to mean constant busyness.

It’s time to release the idea that being busy equates to being successful and instead embrace a life that’s both fulfilling and sustainable. Embodiment offers a way forward, and I’d be honoured to share this journey with you as we create a new rhythm that honours our full selves—life, work, and all.

Marketing with your cycle

Have you ever considered the timings of your monthly cycle when planning your business or deciding when to launch your next programme or speak at an event?

(Yes, this article is written for women, but if you’re a guy with women in your team, please read on because this is a serious post and can be incredibly enlightening if you’ve never considered this in your business!)

Cycle tracking is becoming an everyday conversation, at least with our clients.

It’s one of the ways you can track how your energy flows naturally and responds to external influences, such as what food we eat and how we look after our bodies, and since doing a lot of research in this area and bringing it into the work that we do with our clients, I’ve seen that creating sustainable business success is more than a well-put-together business plan or marketing funnel.

Being aware of what affects your energy and how you approach certain decisions in your business can help you design, create and run your business so your work fuels you rather than burns you out.

Why track your monthly cycle?

If you’ve ever tracked your cycle, you’ll know your energies have ebbs and flows.

I’m now post-menopausal, so I no longer have a monthly cycle; I tune into different things to track my energy flow now. But in the last few years of menstruating, I tracked my cycle to help plan my marketing campaigns and promotional events as it became a helpful barometer to tune into my ebb and flow of emotions, creativity and periodic stuck-ness.

I started to be aware of the exact dates of my cycle when my husband and I decided to start a family (ah, those fun days of taking one’s temperature to confirm ovulation days!). But it wasn’t until my adrenaline reached boiling point and my system crashed back in 2012 that I started seriously to research my peri-menopausal symptoms. I began to track my monthly cycles again.

Tracking my emotional and physical changes throughout the month helped me make sense of what was going on inside of me; the feeling of being out of control one week focused and in flow the next, often followed by a severe energy crash, irrational mood swings and my inner critic shouting down any great ideas I had for my business.

In my experience, knowing where I’ve been in my cycle at any given point in my working week has helped me enormously over the past few years to deal with things that haven’t gone according to plan … as well as helping me realise I wasn’t going mad; I’m simply a woman!

The four stages of your cycle

Your cycle has four distinct stages, each affecting your energy, emotions and physicality.

Of course, not every woman has a regular 28-day cycle; we all have our unique pattern, sometimes so irregular that it’s hard to track. But if you are still in menstrual flow, the first step in taking this approach with your business is to track and record how you feel and what symptoms you experience.

Plenty of apps to choose from today include tracking your symptoms and moods, too.

If you prefer a ‘paper’ version, I have a brilliant 28 Day Energy Tracker here that you can download for free. 

Phase 1: Menstruation

Day 1 of your cycle is the first day of menses. I often found a massive sense of relief on this day, followed by a few days of general yuckiness, bloating and tiredness that worsened as I got older. It felt as if my body found it tougher each month to kick start the engine as I get closer to menopause each year.

Day 2 or 3 was a day I could have quite happily stayed in bed all day, and although walking and getting out and about brought relief, it was always vital for me to lower my pace and keep rested. I learnt from experience that to go full pelt during these days would have a knock-on effect of being knackered for weeks or even picking up a bug and getting ill. So, instead of pushing through with complex tasks, I leant back and took everything at a slower pace during these times. When I did this, it often turned out to be an incredibly productive time for me, as I pondered more, avoided making decisions and focused on creative projects such as writing, content and programme design.

Phase 2: Follicular

This phase usually lasts 7 to 10 days of your cycle, and it’s when your oestrogen and testosterone levels start to climb, getting you ready for ovulation.

I used to feel wonderful during this time, but as my peri-menopausal symptoms kicked in, the lack of oestrogen made this week tough for me for some months. It was often when I felt the most frustrated; I’d been used to surging ahead with plans and action-taking with my brain going full steam, but my body did not respond in this way in my last few years. And if I’d pushed through in my menstruation phase, I would feel a bit shit during this time!

Phase 3: Ovulatory

Lasting only a few days, your body produces your egg, and you may feel incredibly powerful; able to take on the world and say yes to everything.

It’s Mother Nature’s way of making you attractive to the opposite sex and ready to mate, of course, so this can be a fabulous time to run an event, negotiate with a new contract or even pick up the phone to prospect you’ve been putting off for an age.

Phase 4: Luteal

Typically lasting 12 to 16 days, this is the remainder of your cycle. Oestrogen and testosterone decline, and progesterone, the heat-inducing hormone, kicks in, preparing your body for a potential pregnancy. Often, you feel the most tired because Mother Nature is preparing you for ‘rest and nest’.

This phase can become an excellent time to brain dump to-do lists, clear up clutter and re-align yourself before taking action on any new projects or ideas.

And, of course, PMS can start to kick in towards the end of this last stage; from chronic back pain and stiff joints to raging anger and mood swings. So be aware that this can be a particularly stressful time to think straight or do projects such as the end-of-month accounting! So perhaps it is not the best time to reconcile your banking or respond to a negative comment on one of your Facebook posts.

What about you?

Every woman’s monthly cycle is unique to her. You will have your own symptoms and experiences; and some months go better than others. But the more aware you become of your cycle, the more effective and productive you can be in your business decisions and marketing activities.

And as marketing can be such an emotive part of your business, from deciding what price to sell at and whether to record a live video when all you want to do is climb into bed with a hot water bottle, here are some of the lessons I have learnt along the way of planning my marketing and my business around my cycles.

Lessons learnt from tracking my cycle

1. Stop beating yourself up

You can stop beating yourself up when you get frustrated something’s not working.

Being “on your period” is not about making excuses but when you are aware of how your body is responding to which hormones you are producing, it can clarify why you may be screaming at your laptop for deleting your file (because, quite obviously, it had nothing to do with you!).

2. Give yourself a break when you need it

You can give yourself a break when your body needs it most and plan to deliver your best work when you are at your best.

Planning a two-day event in the fourth week of your cycle may not the best time if you’re contending with stomach cramps and irritability so if you have control over your work calendar, choosing days in your follicular weeks could allow you to rock your best work in front of an audience.

3. Stop taking yourself so seriously

Nothing … and NOTHING … is more irritating than someone (AKA your partner) asking you if you’re PMSing … when you are PMSing.

I would often head this off at the pass once I became aware of my mood swings. When I got that first sign of irritability, I was off to check my period tracker, and then tell my husband and my children that I was on the way. I found that I could laugh about it if I were the one to bring it up first … funny how that happens!

4. Take days off when you need them

Running your own business gives you the enormous benefit of controlling your diary, so don’t make it more difficult for you or your team members than it needs to be. If you have a particularly bad PMS or find it tough on other days of your cycle, factor those days into your working calendar. Your body and brain will thank you for it when you come to your productive days, and you can turn up the energy dial.

In corporate life, taking a sick day for bad period pains can be challenging to negotiate, especially if it’s as regular as clockwork and it’s the same day of every month. Plus, trying to explain in a board meeting why your brain fog is so thick and why you have no idea why your sales figures are down this month may not go down well. However, I remember one lady who worked as a Communications Director for a small company. She began to add her cycle in her work diary after a conversation with me about his topic so she and her team could see her predicted cycle. This may be one step too far for you, but I believe the more we normalise our normal cycles as women, the better support we can get from others.

5. Get braver on your brave days

This was a game-changer for me!

Add this cycle time to your diary if you know you’re raring to go during your follicular week. Plan your sales days during this time. Or your business planning or creation of a new programme. Let Mother Nature help capitalise on these days and help you do your best work.

Making periods part of the business conversation

This topic of periods and hormonal cycles is incredibly important, and although it is easier to bring this topic up than it was a decade ago, I wish more people, men and women, could discuss this in the context of business.

As we grow into a more feminine world and more female leaders rise to the top, this topic must be discussed openly to enable us to develop and grow our businesses without burning out.

If there is one thing I’d love you to take action from reading this article, if you don’t already, it is that you start to track your cycle.

It can be as simple as writing in a journal, or if you prefer a piece of tech, then there are plenty of period tracker apps you can get for your phone (you get the added benefit of the apps automatically calculating your future due dates based on your cycle dates).

Or download my free 28 Day Energy Tracker.

Self-awareness is powerful; gathering evidence, rather than wondering what is going on with your energy roller coaster, can give you specific patterns to look out for and help you plan your marketing WITH your menstrual cycle rather than run your business against your natural ebb and flow.

POST EDIT: Originally published 17th January 2009. Updated and republished 5th March 2024.

 

What does doing less look like?

What does doing less look like?

What does doing less look like? This was a question someone asked me the other week as I write and talk a lot about the idea of doing less and slowing down.

And I get that it can sound like a little abstract.

Images of laying on the sofa, watching daytime TV and eating wotsits used to come to my mind whenever I was challenged that I may need to do less. But doing less isn’t about doing nothing. It is about what it says: doing less. As we are all living and breathing this create-more-in-less-time culture, it’s really easy to see how high our standards have got based on what we think we ‘should’ be doing during our days.

We have been obsessed with productivity long before we had smartphones. 

The earliest known to-do list was recorded in 1791, with Benjamin Franklin’s “What good shall I do this day?” list.

The Industrial Revolution in the mid-1700’s birthed the beginnings of mechanical production, which kick-started the common goal of producing more in less time. 

Through two World Wars, our workforce across the globe started to transform as factory production increased and office workers began their daily commutes. In the 1970’s, more people spent more time travelling to work and being at work, and we saw the creation of convenience foods and time saving household appliances so we could have more leisure time, and less time cooking and cleaning.

But the real acceleration of work productivity began to implode once home computers and the World Wide Web opened us to an endless stream of technology to make us more efficient. 

Today, our smartphones can tell us how well we are eating, sleeping and running. We have access to an endless supply of productivity apps, automation systems and bluetooth devices all designed to send us constant notifications and help us do more in less time.

We can contact and be contacted by anyone, at any time.

Our work boundaries are so blurred that most of us now feel panicked if you ever leave the house without your smartphones and it’s reported that 71% of people sleep either holding their smartphone, having it in bed with them, or having it on their nightstand. It’s the first thing they look at when they wake and the last thing they see before they close their eyes at night. 

Welcome to the never off society

But how productive are we? 

Here in the UK, Britons are working an average of 42.5 hours a week. My guess is that those of us who run our own businesses may be doing upwards of double that, if you include all the hours spent on our phones, hatching out new plans and working away on client deadlines in the middle of the night. 

Not surprisingly, it turns out that our mere mortal brains and bodies are simply not designed to be working this hard. We are working in a linear way throughout the year, not taking into account our seasonal cycles and daylight hours, and scheduling our days to a calendar created in Roman days that we have to add an extra day every four years to make it work with the earth’s natural orbit.

Today 79% of people at work are experiencing some level of burnout with nearly half of UK workers (48%) showing signs of moderate to severe burnout – only second to Japan (50%). 

Back in 2012, I hit burnout hard. Still reeling from losing my dad to cancer two years previously, I found myself unable to function and couldn’t get out of bed one weekend. I can look back now and see all the signs; the extreme fatigue, brain fog, body in pain. But I had programmed myself to keep working hard at trying to get everything – life, business, family – to work. 

I was sandwiched between life and business, squashing myself harder and harder as I tried to keep up with it all. It just felt easier to keep my head down and plough on because who was going to sign me off sick anyways?

That summer was the start of five years of horrid hormonal imbalance and peri-menopausal symptoms which I realised couldn’t be fixed with a pill or a two week holiday. I had to reset, reboot and take some serious rest. One of the areas I knew I needed to change was the way I was working, and I started on a journey of exploring and understanding what doing less actually meant.

So what does less actually look like? 

First of all, why do less? 

Plate spinning is one of the biggest problems I see in business; the thought that you can keep half a dozen projects going, all at the same time. In project management terms, you end up getting what would be called project creep. As you run around the plates, you aren’t going to get to them all. So they begin to slow and one day they begin to fall one by one, which in turn makes you run around even faster trying to pick them up and start them spinning all over again. 

The maths is simple; the more projects (or client jobs or products to sell or social media profiles) you have to manage, the less chance you have of completing any. You try to find to-do list apps or project management software to help you organise it all and when you add in the dreaded procrastination gene that we all seem to have, you just never get to completion stage with any of the projects.

You are doing more than you ever thought possible and you still don’t think you are working hard enough … and thus starts the slippery slope of burnout.

So how can you start to do less? 

First of all, you need to acknowledge that most of us are programmed to keep achieving, striving for more. Your productivity levels, no matter how efficient you think you are, can not keep up with the devices and apps that are designed to keep us all productive.

So the first step in doing less is giving yourself permission to do just one or two things really well. If you want to do more then you have to recognise the need to put in the infrastructure and teams to support you (so you aren’t the one doing all the doing). You have to get real about what you – a mere mortal – is capable of doing in a day.

There’s no quick fix (well, not that I can find!) but it all starts with getting conscious about your work habits and how you are approaching projects.

Before you even begin to start working out a new productivity routine (which IMO just triggers the must-do-more gene … more about this on another blog!), what I wanted to share with you today are three practical things you can do to get clear on what’s going for you: 

1) First acknowledge that you have too many plates to spin.

If you don’t first admit that you have a plate spinning problem, then you won’t take any action to change your behaviour

2) Get conscious about your behaviour right now.

Before you make any changes, you need to see what you are doing first. You may find that in amongst all the chaos you feel around you, that there are some brilliant things you are doing. But if you don’t take the time to first see what’s going on, you won’t spot them. You may want to time track yourself for 2 or 3 days. This can feel like a painful process, especially if you’ve got a lot on already. But it doesn’t need to be complicated and you certainly don’t need a fancy app or software to do this. All you need is a piece of paper next to you throughout the day and just right down what you’ve done in one hour blocks. All you want to do is be able to spot the habits you are in, rather than go into analysis paralysis.

3) Get conscious about where your energies are at.

No matter what is going on in your life right now, your energy will be in ebb and flow. We are cyclical beings, women more so than men, and yet we are programmed to believe that good productivity is about sticking to routines. You will have your own natural rhythm that is influenced by so many things including the weather, the seasons, what you ate and drank the day before, your hormone cycles (women far more than men) and what is going on in your life.

Every morning I write down where I am in my menstrual cycle, what the weather is outside, how well I slept, where the moon is in its cycle and anything else that I feel is worth noting. What this does is help me get body conscious of what is going for me so if it’s raining hard, I’m day 25 of my cycle and there’s a full moon about to happen, I know I may be a little more emotional and tired than usual. I can then be that little bit more kinder with myself and give myself less to do that day.

I’m going to be sharing more on this topic of doing less over the next few weeks so if you are interested in finding out more, make sure you are signed up for my updates. But for now, I would love you to do these three things and let me know what impact it has on your week.

You may just surprise yourself and realise there is far less to fix than you originally thought 🙂 

Until next time, do less, be more and play bigger.

 

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